If I got a penny for everyone I've met who is as beautiful as you, I'd have all the money in the world.

Why are they called "hemorrhoids". They should be called "asteroids"?

When climbing the ladder of success, don't let boys look up your skirt! 
My job is secure. No one else wants it.
Sometimes I wish life had subtitles!
I'd rather be driving a golf ball.

Amazing facts 
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. 
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue. 
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. 
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. 
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. 
A snail can sleep for three years. 
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. 
If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. 
If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights. 
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. 
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag. 
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but mens noses and ears never stop growing. 
When Coca-Cola began to be sold in China, they used characters that would sound like "Coca-Cola" when spoken. Unfortunately, what they turned out to mean was "Bite the wax tadpole". It did not sell well. 
Tomatoes and cucumbers are fruits. 
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance 
Women blink nearly twice as much as men. 
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself. 

Wise thoughts on everything
1. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
2. Life is sexually transmitted.
3. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
4. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich.
5. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
6. Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs...
7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing...
8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
10. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?